Saturday 11 June 2011

THE HOLLYWOOD BRATS

 GROWN UP WRONG- Recorded in 1973
 Aaah, greetings dear reader. Come hither & sit ye down, pull up a footstool for your weary plates & pour yourself a large stiff one. (Ooooh matron). Pin back thy wing nuts, for I wish to impart knowledge of some great import with thee.
 When your dear scribe was but a mere slip of a lad, punk rock was the order of the day. We spikey tops, scoured the weekly organs for information of bands old & new. Bands like the Heartbreakers, the Damned & the Vibrators supplemented our thirst for down & dirty rock'n'roll. 
 We also read our history & learned of the bands who influenced our heroes. Mott & the Dolls provided us with yet more diverse listening matter. But every now & again my eyes were averted by the ever so small namecheck, or the odd paragraph about a British band who were; & I quote 'better than the Dolls' & around at the same time. 'Cool Brat', being one such tiny feature.
 Your genial host read with mild interest but nothing more. However, something must have burnt into my psyche, for when this platter was finally released by 'Cherry red' in 1980, some 7 years after its creation, I found myself investing in said record.


The sleeve was a pretty dull affair, which left nary a clue as to the delightful aural onslaught which lurked twixt its grooves. Prepared I was not.
 The guitar histrionics of Herr Brady, opens the album on the amphetamine fuelled 'Chez Maximes'. What an intro & for the first time in my life, old elastic-mouth Tightpocket was rendered speechless, nay gobsmacked.
 Surely, this was their finest song & the whole album was destined to go downhill from here. Don't you believe it. It lurches from one classic to another.
 From the stomp of 'Another schoolday,' vocalist Andrew Matheson hollers 'I gotta stay awake, don't be late, sit up straight & dress in grey, DRESS IN GREY', (spit forth thy venom Andrew), man he sang it like he hated it.
 'Nightmare' is a real crescendo building cruiser, while 'Empty bottles' is a slide guitar piece, in which Brady allegedly uses a freshly decapitated bottle top as a slide which gently leads us into the epic 'Courtesan', which shows real versatility in Andrews voice. Jesus Christ, the guy had the voice of an angel, (& believe me my dears, he still has). Track 6 needs no introduction, the old Ronettes classic 'Then he kissed me' perhaps commands a closer listen by your good selves dear reader. Oh the androgyny!
  Next up. 'Tumble with me is an out'n'out rocker, which pays a little lip service, (or is that nose service?) to the Everlys. 'Zurich 17', pure vocal bliss, is followed by 'Southern belles', a rock'n'roller which sounds like Chuck on a space rocket, shot through the belly of the Stones 'Carol'. But ain't that what sets the good apart from the great? The ability to take a tried & trusted formula & make it sound like something so different, so fresh & so exciting. This was truly, rock'n'roll from another planet. The fact that it still sounds just as good today adds more than enough weight to my argument.
'Drowning sorrows' is one of the most beautiful heartbreakers I've ever heard, Andrews voice, gentle & tender, ably assisted by the piano of his songwriting partner Mr Casino Steel.
 Finally; just when you thought it was impossible for things to get any better, all the agony, frustration, hatred & anger that you thought you knew, is magnified tenfold in the ICONIC, 'Sick on you'. 
 There are no words in the English language to describe what this song sounds like. If I was to say that it's the sound of the French Cuirassiers led by Marshall Ney, floundering on the cold steel of the steadfast British squares at Waterloo, or the sound of the Gelderd end faithful, baying for Hunter to draw first blood, I wouldn't be anywhere near close.In short, it's the most brutal, frightening, yet utterly compelling & beautiful cacaphony of noise. It makes anything you've heard, before or since, seem like the stuff of 'mamas boys & flakes'.
 For thirty one years, I have loved this album & it hasn't always been an easy ride. My thirst for knowledge on this band has been unquenchable. With only a handful of pictures in existence & any press on them being virtually non existent, it makes the search for Robert Johnson seem like a playground game of hide & seek. Not that I dig the music of Robert Johnson you understand, (too many brooms a dustin & an unhealthy obsession with the colour blue for my liking) but the whole legend doth intrigue.
 Then in the late 80s or early 90s, I can't remember exactly when, there was a breakthrough. Our very own Ray Zell did a full page feature in the hallowed pages of Kerrang, resplendent with an actual picture no less. Dear reader, my flab had never been so ghasted.
 1994 saw the album re-issued on cd & there they were; in full blown up gaudy technicolor. Feather boas a teazin. All long legs, tousled hair & pink sling back jack boots. They made the Dolls look like badly made up, butch, seaside landladies with a penchant for battered chip shop mars bars. TIGHTPOCKET, slake thy thirst.
 It must have been heartbreaking for the guys in the band when they broke up. To know that you're a part of something so good, so damn special & to watch it all crumble after a mere 2 or 3 years. 
 Over the years there have been many promises & rumours of a re-formation. OH HOW I WISH! But alas nothing as yet. Hell, maybe that's the way things are meant to be, after all what if they did do it all over again & it was nothing like you imagined in your minds eye. That would be 31 years of anticipation well & truly shafted. Maybe some things are best left alone. 
 However, were they to re-form for a gig or three; would I go? .....Well lets put it this way, I'd re-mortgage the pad & sell my children into the white slave trade to finance the whole project.
 The fact that a very good & informative website is in existence at all, http://www.hollywoodbrats.com/
presided over I believe, by Mr Andrew Matheson, shows that someone still cares & believes. Check out the band interviews from Record Mirror, its a rare old titter.
  Dear reader; should you decide to follow the path of the righteous, (& I strongly recommend that you do) you may invest in the aforementioned album at http://cherryred.co.uk/cherryred/artists/hollywoodbrats.php
  If you are already privy to this magnificent.opus, well, what the hell, buy it again & make 'em rich & who knows what may happen.
   Boys & girls, Introducing;
                                Andrew Matheson-Vocals & master wordsmith.
                                Casino Steel-Keyboards & associate song writer par-excellence.
                                Brady-Guitarist drunk on Keeef Richards & scotch.
                                Lou Sparks-Drums
                                Wayne Manor-Bass
In their own words; 30 years of dreck & posturing.
Collectively known as the HOLLYWOOD BRATS & bearing responsibility for what is probably the greatest rock'n'roll album in gods creation.
  CHIN CHIN & SALUTE!

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